While neither Jack Sparrow nor a jackass, I AM, however aspiring to be both nimble and quick. As I leap myself over the candlestick, like Jack, I too feel the fire beneath my crack.
REVERTING BACK TO OLD NURSERY RHYMES for some comical relief...
Yesterday I had an apocalyptic moment as I wandered the city streets realizing that my anxious habit of weaving between strangers and walking pace have quadrupled since moving here. The tendency to steer myself like a motorized vehicle in human traffic is fueled by frustration, a sense of urgency, and the need to hurry and get myself there-the next destination being that better stage in my life. Unconsciously trying to fast forward in anticipation of improving the now ASAP, am I rushed? VERY. While becoming as feisty and anxious as the peeps from these parts, I too am noting the value of those mere minutes. Funny to note the constant that applied both in LA, and now here in Brooklyn, the subway's been yards from the front door. Hearing the coming and going screeching halts and jetset sounds of progress, they've help count the ticks and tocks AND remind me the next train is soon to pull away. So should I SNOOZE, I too will LOSE..the fear of yet another fleeting window of opportunity makes me mindful of that NY minute!
The current backdrop of my own aspiring indie film: the challenging uphill crawl et al has included breathless sprints up and down stairways to reach the platform. Ever racing against those sneaky 10 seconds... I hate this perpetual state of I'm LATE, I'm LATE, I'm LATE!
With the M ( for motivation) and J (for job) train in view- and soon to be pulling away...i'd better lickety split! It seems I've yet to adjust to giving myself additional time alloted for missed trains, jumping on the wrong trains, or ones that really will do anything to make me LAAAATE! But even the overall DELAY in my progress has made me just as anxious.
I've also become a pro at yelling out my standard "HOLD THE DOOR PLEASE" with a 50/50 chance that the person standing close enough will respond and be kind enough to hold that sliding door- just in time to hop in. Most amusing is having to bear the odd stares when I do, while wondering if I'm truly the only White Rabbit in this town. Slightly disheveled, I do have my days of missing the competition of beating traffic in my own car. But for the most part, as the train pulls away aspiring towards progress, it's nice to take my eyes off the road, turn up the volume, and lose myself in the windowscapes, and faces of the other passengers in the subway cart.
With itchy feet that have wanted to GO somewhere for a SOLID dose of inspiration, or else by leaps and bounds closer towards a more creative, successful, and growth conducive horizon, I must confess the images in my mirror have not been so encouraging as of late.
"NOSED" by subway and employment doors, there have only been gentle tugs and nibbles at my job fishing pole. Close but yet no fat cuban cigar, or else doing a lot of peddling and just as quickly wondering why I feel stationary, it's a "do or die" reality these days. And these days "I do", and have found myself "DOING" everything. Sizzled by employment burns, sandpapered to a nude finish, and onion layers peeled to a nub, I'm reminded- this is NY. And in trying to cold and lack of opportunity- is but a squeaky set of slightly calloused feet. My feet- I had thought were pretty FAST, but apparently speed comes secondary to determination, motivation, and most importantly- RESILIENCE. Still, I admit I'm happiest when productive and in motion, even when my feet aren't. This winter of my discontentment has shown me an entirely other side of life I've never before seen. Drowning in the quicksand that is underemployment, and resorting to some very intimate moments with my heater just to stay warm, I've had way too much time to hibernate and think. Too, to feel the skin on my teeth. Summer having fallen into a winter blurrrr, mother nature has shown signs of stirring in her sleeping. Hopeful for renewal, rebirth, and redemption, I too wonder if perhaps I'm alas learning the ants in my pants, rain dance, and dance revolution that they also call the New York hustle.
"Walk like warriors, we were never told to run
Explored the world to return to where my soul begun
Never looking back or too far in front of me
The present is a gift
and I just wanna be..." - Common